remembering my calling

I wrote this as a guest post awhile back for aboutproximity.com. I realize you may have read this before. So have I. But I needed to reread this today. For me. For my family. I struggle with roaming “out there” to find purpose. I struggle with neglecting my family and ignoring God while I look for “who I am”.  And “out there” I feel so anxious and unfulfilled. Silly me. Who I am is God’s beloved. Who I am is a mother to 6 littles, a wife to an amazing guy. And I find that right here, right where I am. And where God has called me will bring the most fulfillment. My soul can rest in God alone. He alone is my rock and my salvation. So thankful today for his reminders to my soul, his rest for my weary.

 

Name: Amy Bosma

Your Family: My husband Shane and I have six kiddos ranging in ages from 17 years to 6 months, three girls and three boys – Taylor, Makayla, Ryan, Daniel, Noah and Emily.

Your Location in the World: Holland, MI, USA

Three favorites: (I am going to break the rules and give four….) Giving birth, sitting on the beach soaking up the sun, photography (both the act of and the enjoyment of)  and coffee (even though it makes me crazy if I drink it every day)

What is your calling?

When I was presented with the question “What is your calling?” my mind started scrambling for something worthy of writing down. To me, “calling” means purpose. It means passion.  I thought of a few things I am involved in that I could pretend I was most passionate about, but my heart kept drawing me back to what I know is my true purpose right now.

Lets start at the beginning. I was thrust into motherhood at the tender age of nineteen. I had no idea what I was doing and it didn’t feel all that important either. God allowed me to roam around looking for my “calling” in those first years of motherhood. I wanted it to be something important out there.  By “out there” I mean out of my home, away from my family, in public view. Certainly God couldn’t be calling me to just be a mother. So in an attempt to find purpose I did mission trips, led GEMS, trained for prayer ministry, became a youth leader, and so on. None of those felt like they were it.

The past few years God has been drawing my heart back to my home.

My it? My great calling right now? Motherhood. Simple, non-glamorous, I know.

Lets face it, cleaning puke off a crying child at midnight doesn’t earn a spot on the missionary bulletin board at church. It doesn’t even draw forth a thank-you most of the time.

But mothering truly is my passion now.

I don’t want you to think for even one second that we’ve got it all together over here just because I am passionate about being a mom. We are not Pinterest-worthy. We’re a messy bunch of people. Both figuratively and literally. (I can’t even count the times my boys have worn holey jeans to church, or forgotten their underwear, or skipped brushing their teeth. The times we’ve forgotten to do family devotions FAR outnumber the times we’ve done them. And let’s not even talk about the yelling and the fighting.)

And most of the time I downright stink at this. I really do. But the purpose of my calling is not to be a perfect mother. It is to have an open, humble heart to learn from the perfect parent – God. Perhaps my imperfection is the reason this is my calling. God knows that failing constantly and crying out to him for more mercy and guidance every day is what will break me and then grow me. And it will grow them. And that is my passion.

Share a way God has worked through you, part of your redemption story:

My redemption story is not a story of one miraculous rescue, but a series of rescues. Because of rejections and woundings in my life, I spent most of my life feeling unloved. I lived by these woundings and in turn my life bore the scars of rebellion,  teen pregnancy, addiction, depression, pain and self-loathing. But God, in his infinite grace, has been whispering his love to my heart right from the start. Sometimes I can not hear him. But there are times where His voice breaks through the drone of the world’s noise and I once again see who he is, and then I can run to his arms.  And at those times God is able to change my heart. He faithfully picks me up, once again, and proves his love for me.  By God’s grace, I can say that I no longer see myself as a victim. I no longer see myself as damaged goods. I no longer define my identity by my sin, but by the way God sees me. His goal is for me to know I am his beloved. My redemption story is ongoing. I pray it will not end until the day I see His face, and I pray that at every turn in my life God somehow uses my story to bless others.

How do you place yourself in the proximity of renewal?

Although my family is my number one ministry right now, God does use my limited time and resources to focus me on other ways of renewal/service for short seasons.  From a youth group lesson I feel inspired to share, to helping my son raise money for a well in a third world country, to praying passionately for an issue God presses on my heart, to blogging about human trafficking, to bringing a meal to a family. These are all moments in time, short periods of my life, where God gives me incredible passion for something. When I have full filled what he has asked me to do, I am released from that burden and I just keep on living my number one calling. For now, I don’t feel desire to be committed long-term to any of the these things. But that’s not to say I won’t in the future. My greatest desire is to follow God wherever he leads me.DSC_4513

 

 

 

a little thing called kindergarten

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My Daniel starts school tomorrow.

This little thing called kindergarten stirs up so many emotions in this Momma.

Sadness. Am I allowed to be sad? Daniel will be leaving me every day, all day for the first time ever. Coming home with stories that took place while he was away from home. Stories that don’t involve me except for the fact that I am the eager listener.

Pride. He’s so excited to finally go to school. He’s been waiting for this day for a looong time. And I love watching his eyes light up when he talks about it.

Worry. Does he know not to suck on his fingers when he’s nervous without me there to tell him? Will he remember to wash his hands after he uses the bathroom? Does he know not to throw things when he gets angry? Can he find his classroom? Does he remember his ABCs? Will he be kind to the kids in his class? Will he miss me????

For a long time, I’ve been telling him I’m going to cry when I drop him off at school. He always giggles. I giggle too. (but I’m serious.) Last week I informed him that I thought of a great plan – I would lock him in his room so I could keep him at home. That induced more giggles from him. I giggled too, again. (I’m not as serious about that one because he doesn’t actually have a lock on his door, and I kinda think that might be illegal anyway.)

This Momma is learning how to let go. Again. I’m in the process of figuring out that motherhood is a series of letting go.

And it’s good.

After all, as his Momma, my job is to raise him up, not duct tape him down.

(but I still reserve the right to cry about it when Tuesday comes!)

🙂

Today

Today my older kids are enjoying their last day of school for the year. I am so thankful for that, and I’m counting down the minutes. I’ve got a five year old boy in this house who is so sick of playing with his mom. And to be honest, I am a little tired of playing with him too. I do love him, and I do love to play with him. But we’ve grown mutually bored with each other. Its time to bring the reinforcements home.

Today I am wondering if I can make it through another day without McDonalds french fries. I think about them every day.

Today I am waiting for it to feel like summer. I am so ready for constant warmth. Right around 75 degrees would be perfect.

Today I am relishing things that will be memories. Carpooling with good friends. Sixth grade and second grade. Teachers and classmates. Having my Daniel at home instead of school.

Today my agenda includes getting caught up on 10 loads of laundry before Shane and I leave for our anniversary weekend. I am not exaggerating on that number. The last three loads are cycling now, and I will be ever so happy when they are done and put away. Perhaps my mom will stop by to do my folding….

Today I am itching to get caught up on my scrapbook.

Today I am hoping to get my white board written up with chore and activity lists for the kids. Welcome to three months of  boot camp, kids. I’ve been reading the book “Cleaning House” and my eyes have been opened. (You can read a great review about this book here.) In an attempt to eradicate the “entitlement attitude” my kids sport, we’ll be including them in upkeep of the house. Teaching them how to do things so they can survive in real life. Chores will include bed-making, bedroom cleaning, helping with supper, bathroom cleaning, laundry folding, flute practicing, window washing, vacuuming and more. I’m a little excited about this. (and hopefully the whining will go away eventually…)

Today my mind is swimming with plans for our summer. I’m almost a little giddy. I know every moment won’t be heavenly, but even in the hard parts I LOVE having my kids home and I LOVE sharing this season with them.

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