I want so much.

I want the teenager to see. Really see how precious those around her are. And how precious she is. Her ipod set aside this week, I wonder how that will impact her heart.

I want my little Legolas to know he is precious. School is hard. Home is hard. Everywhere in between is hard. Could it really be that no one likes him? Could it maybe be that what is inside is what is hard? Grace is what heals that place. So I wait for God.

I want the seven year old to stay small. His heart, a beautiful mix of compassion and boyishness. Can it just stay that way? Can he always just look at me with those beautiful blue pools of wonder and be innocent? I want this. For him. For me.

I want the almost-kindergartener to know he is loved. Bedtime comes, and we talk. His favorite thing of the day? That people were nice to him for a change. And he still manages to pray “God, change my heart so I don’t get so mad.” And my heart leaps and weeps all at once.

I want the baby to be the baby. Always. Being almost-two is taxing. On me. Can we leave the tin foil alone for just one day? And possibly not throw raisins around just this once? My heart bursts. Because its hard. And I fear ruining her with all my mistakes.

And still, there are so many more wants in my momma heart.

This weekend, this Easter, I wanted more than anything to know HIS love and feel HIS joy and revel in HIS goodness. My greatest struggle is knowing I am not enough. Mothering is hard and raw and real. And it sends me screaming into myself. Hidden away inside is ache that I can not do this.

But I know the ONE who can.

The ONE who does.

HE did it. It is FINISHED. All I need to do now is to COME.  In the coming, HE meets. HE sustains. HE shoulders my load. Carries my burdens.

These children? They are not mine. Not really. They belong to HIM. And HE will meet them through the ages and weave their lives into tapestries of grace. Me? I am HIS servant. Blessed beyond measure to witness this weaving. Blessed beyond measure to let HIM use me.



Good Friday

They sat in silence. Rare for this group of rowdies. I could hear them breathing as I read, shifting in their bed covers, but nothing else. Their ears? They were working. I could feel them working. Peeled to my every word. Also rare for this bunch.

The story of Jesus’ death danced off the pages in piercing words, like beautiful sad music. We, all of us, were hearing it as if for the first time.

“‘If you were really the son of God, you could just climb down off that cross!’ they said. And of course they were right. Jesus could have just climbed down. Actually, he could have just said a word and made it stop. Like when he healed that little girl. And stilled the storm. And fed 5,000 people.

But Jesus stayed.

You see, they didn’t understand. It wasn’t the nails that kept Jesus there. It was love.”   (from The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones)

It was love.

And that love drew tears from the six year old. It stunned into pensive silence the twelve year old. It rendered the nine year old speechless for once in his life. It begged the question “Why?!” from the three year old. And it brought forth life changing questions from them all.

“Then Jesus shouted in a loud voice, ‘It is finished!’

And it was. He had done it. Jesus had rescued the whole world.”

Jesus rescued us. Thank you, Abba.

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weekend wanderings | our Easter

We spent our Easter with family. My family first, and Shane’s family after. It was wonderful. After a delicious lunch at my mom and dad’s house, my mom and dad explained to the kids that when we accept Jesus into our hearts, we become a new creation. Like a caterpillar changes into a butterfly, and it can never be changed back, we are secure in our new identity in Christ.

Then Grandma took the kids out into the woods for a butterfly hunt!

Here they are, all lined up youngest to oldest (minus the two babies 🙂 ), ready to go searching for butterflies!

And there they go….into the woods!

DSC_0233copyMakayla was the first to find a “butterfly” – which was really a candy bar glued to clear, glitter-painted wings, hanging from a tree on a string. So cute, but hard to photograph as the wings kept flopping over. My mom is so creative.

DSC_0235copyThe boys were pretty excited when they found theirs!


I love being in my parent’s woods….DSC_0240copy


And each family got to go home with a butterfly habitat so we can watch our very own caterpillars turn into butterflies!

I am so glad that we got to celebrate today with our family. And I am thankful for grandparents who pass down God’s truths and love to our kids.

We are very blessed. Happy Easter! He is Risen!

“Those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun.” II Corinthians 5:17