I want so much.

I want the teenager to see. Really see how precious those around her are. And how precious she is. Her ipod set aside this week, I wonder how that will impact her heart.

I want my little Legolas to know he is precious. School is hard. Home is hard. Everywhere in between is hard. Could it really be that no one likes him? Could it maybe be that what is inside is what is hard? Grace is what heals that place. So I wait for God.

I want the seven year old to stay small. His heart, a beautiful mix of compassion and boyishness. Can it just stay that way? Can he always just look at me with those beautiful blue pools of wonder and be innocent? I want this. For him. For me.

I want the almost-kindergartener to know he is loved. Bedtime comes, and we talk. His favorite thing of the day? That people were nice to him for a change. And he still manages to pray “God, change my heart so I don’t get so mad.” And my heart leaps and weeps all at once.

I want the baby to be the baby. Always. Being almost-two is taxing. On me. Can we leave the tin foil alone for just one day? And possibly not throw raisins around just this once? My heart bursts. Because its hard. And I fear ruining her with all my mistakes.

And still, there are so many more wants in my momma heart.

This weekend, this Easter, I wanted more than anything to know HIS love and feel HIS joy and revel in HIS goodness. My greatest struggle is knowing I am not enough. Mothering is hard and raw and real. And it sends me screaming into myself. Hidden away inside is ache that I can not do this.

But I know the ONE who can.

The ONE who does.

HE did it. It is FINISHED. All I need to do now is to COME.  In the coming, HE meets. HE sustains. HE shoulders my load. Carries my burdens.

These children? They are not mine. Not really. They belong to HIM. And HE will meet them through the ages and weave their lives into tapestries of grace. Me? I am HIS servant. Blessed beyond measure to witness this weaving. Blessed beyond measure to let HIM use me.



weekend wanderings | our Easter

We spent our Easter with family. My family first, and Shane’s family after. It was wonderful. After a delicious lunch at my mom and dad’s house, my mom and dad explained to the kids that when we accept Jesus into our hearts, we become a new creation. Like a caterpillar changes into a butterfly, and it can never be changed back, we are secure in our new identity in Christ.

Then Grandma took the kids out into the woods for a butterfly hunt!

Here they are, all lined up youngest to oldest (minus the two babies 🙂 ), ready to go searching for butterflies!

And there they go….into the woods!

DSC_0233copyMakayla was the first to find a “butterfly” – which was really a candy bar glued to clear, glitter-painted wings, hanging from a tree on a string. So cute, but hard to photograph as the wings kept flopping over. My mom is so creative.

DSC_0235copyThe boys were pretty excited when they found theirs!


I love being in my parent’s woods….DSC_0240copy


And each family got to go home with a butterfly habitat so we can watch our very own caterpillars turn into butterflies!

I am so glad that we got to celebrate today with our family. And I am thankful for grandparents who pass down God’s truths and love to our kids.

We are very blessed. Happy Easter! He is Risen!

“Those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun.” II Corinthians 5:17

weekend wanderings | down on the farm

DSC_0595 copy Being a farmer is something I daydream about. It seems so romantic to me. Even all the dirt, smells, and work seem wonderful. I’m not sure why, really. Because I have never been a tom boy. I used to be afraid of bugs, and I hated getting my hands dirty when I was little. And the smell of farms – yes I complained as my dad would drive by them.

I think its the wide open spaces that do it for me. And the value of things that truly matter. Like family. Work. Life. Character. Nature. Simplicity.

This weekend we got to visit Shady Side Farm for their sheep shearing open house. (You can read the farmer’s wife’s wonderful blog here.) I am pretty sure I enjoyed it more than the kids. I mean, they loved it, but I loved it. The Bronkema family has long been a family I look up to for raising kids, work ethic, and family values. They are truly wonderful. And I am so thankful they open their farm up on this one day for us to get a little taste of farm life. We got to watch sheep shearing, pet baby sheep, see the other animals, and visit their family shop (where they make and sell wonderful wool products and have their beans for sale).

The sheep shearing is really fun to watch. The lady from the Critter Barn in Zeeland was there to narrate the process. Super helpful in answering questions and explaining things. The whole thing fascinates me. Even though it looks awkward, the sheep really are comfortable and cared for through the entire  event. (And I apologize for the blurry picture. Low light + movement = not so good for my camera) DSC_0560copy   The baby sheep – so adorable. DSC_0576copyNoah really wanted the llamas to eat out of his hand. They just stared at him. DSC_0580My favorite part of the adventure – watching Makayla visit with the horses. This girl is in love with horses. (you can read more about that here.) She found her little piece of heaven. DSC_0622copy DSC_0620 copy DSC_0600 copyAnd this time I didn’t get to spend much time in the shop, because my kids were, ahem, a little “out of sorts”. But these pictures are from last year. They have some beautiful rugs, mittens and other wool products. DSC_0812copy DSC_0809copyThank you,  Bronkema family for opening your farm for us to enjoy! We can’t wait for next year!