my hearts desire | a guest post by Kallie Hogan

Today I am so honored to have my friend Kallie guest posting. Here is her inspiring and touching story of how God brought her through disappointment into hope-restored.
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         The whole first year of our marriage consisted of me begging my husband to start a family. He wanted to get more settled, he didn’t feel “prepared”. I guess I can’t blame him, we had some stuff to get figured out. I just felt like a part of me was missing, and my deepest desire was to be a mother. When he finally agreed to start trying, I was ecstatic! Little did I know the journey we would go through to get “prepared”.
     After just a couple months of trying, I was pregnant! However, the joy was short lived as I miscarried that next week. God gave us an amazing circle of friends and family that supported us through this trying time.
     The year that followed was full of disappointment and heartache, as month after month I got my period. And month after month, another friend or family member was announcing a pregnancy. I cried and cried to God “WHY NOT ME?! When is it MY turn?!” He gently whispered over and over “Just trust me, I got this.” I finally started to believe early winter. I found new hope and new joy in HIM and all that He has already blessed me with.
He also laid foster care/adoption on my heart in this time. Not out of losing hope that we will have biological children, but in gaining sight that there are so many children that need a loving family.
     January started a series at church on idols. Even good things can be idols. I was gently reminded that just maybe having a baby had become SO important to me that it had taken God’s place in my heart. January 11 I took a pregnancy test and it was positive! But that next week in church, another sermon, another gentle reminder, and even now as I HAD what I wanted so badly, I gave it back to God. I did not want this baby on my own will and I did not want it to take first priority in my life. I prayed a specific prayer of forgiveness and surrendered our family back to God, and I think it was the first time I TRULY MEANT IT. I had another miscarriage that week. Yes, I was disappointed, devastated, but how could I be angry. I did just give it over to God, and He responded with not yet. An overwhelming peace and understanding came over me that week. And God carried me through another difficult time with a song on the radio, phone call from a friend, “coincidental” verse in my devotions. Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. I always said God gave me the desire to be a mom and I know He’s not going to leave me hanging. But I never remembered the beginning of that verse. FIRST delight yourself in the Lord. THEN He will give you the desires of your heart. I’m working on making Him my delight, and just waiting on His timing for my desires.
     I want to be a mom. I want THAT to be my full time job. I want to be pregnant with my sisters, my cousins, my best friend. I want a baby before Christmas. But if that’s not what GOD wants, I can’t argue with that. I want to be in the center of HIS will, even if it’s painful at times. So I will continue to pray and wait until He reveals that to me.
kallie
Kallie and her husband Kevin have been married 2 1/2 years. They live in West Olive, MI and have two furry, four legged babies. They are patiently waiting on the Lord to bless them with REAL babies!
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14 thoughts on “my hearts desire | a guest post by Kallie Hogan

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your story Kallie. This is such a difficult journey to travel. Sometimes my not yet’s have grown into something better than I could have imagined. Although the journey there can be some of the hardest days. I am inspired by your faithful heart and your beautiful love for Christ. I will be praying for your heart’s desire. I can’t wait to hear what beautiful things God has planned for you two.

    • Thanks Lisa! Your words really touched me. Thank you for acknowledging the pain while still giving hope and encouragement. You are such a wise lady =)

  2. Kallie, thank you for sharing your heart’s longing. I know God is delighting in you and your faithfulness! He is way ahead of us, preparing the way for unimaginable blessings. He is doing a great work in and through you.

  3. Your honesty is valued! Thanks for sharing your journey! We all have areas that God is working on us, they just look a little different on the outside! Excited to see how this journey continues for you.

    • A little more vulnerable than I wanted to be, but I know that God uses our struggles to encourage others and I guess that’s what it’s all about anyway =) Thanks for the encouragement!

  4. Thanks for sharing this kal! You have such a strong heart and more importantly, a strong faith in the Lord! This really encouraged me to be more trusting in him and to be faithful to him, even in the hard times! I am constantly reminded that my timing is not always his. Love you so much!

    • Sometimes I just wish he’d give us a ‘hint’ on His timing 😉 But I guess that would take the faith thing out. Love you too!

  5. How amazing that the Alpha and Omega,already knows who your children are,and what their names will be…Poppa and Iggy can’t wait to meet them!

  6. Thank you so much for your post Kallie! I don’t think you, sitting your computer screen, can even begin to imagine all the people that were blessed and encouraged by your story. I look up to you so much because of your faithful and hope-filled heart for God! I love you very very very much!!!

    • Kallie it breaks my heart to read your story and yet encourages me at the same time. We have to trust God, have faith in Him and His plan. I pray for you and Kevin to continue to have trust and faith in Him and that He will give you His peace. Love you and will continue to lift you up in prayer.

  7. ktycznie,
    chwała spośród roztratowania smoka tenuous większej ścisłości, pal diabli tę bożą, tymczasem drepcze o swą.
    Jednak nie dałby rady udać się konno a w
    zbroi, litewscy zbrojni zatrzymaliby go przed potrafiłoby zbl.

  8. enda głosiła, wkurzywszy się
    potwornie, w pojedynkę duży głaz marginalisation :: Kimberley :: naokoło kościoła
    trzykroć przetoczył. Formalnie, wielkoludzie owo gród, pomyślał sir Roger,
    skoro tylko
    takich herosów natrafić tędy wolno.

  9. Pingback: fearfully and wonderfully made | my five freds

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